Happiness, If The Bar Is Low Enough

So most corporate gripes have to stew and fester for weeks before reaching some state of resolution, right? Not with UPS.

My beef with UPS was settled after a mere eleven months. Fortunately, time flies when you're having fun, right?

In early December I wrote to UPS' corporate customer care address. While I'll spare everyone the tedium (and anger, and snide comments...) of most of that letter, the following excerpt comes word for word:

I subsequently spoke with Ms. Holdren about UPS policy, and whether it was acceptable to leave such “notice of suspension” with people NOT listed as account contacts. Ms. Holdren assured me that yes, that is UPS policy. Ms. Holdren was defensive. She offered no apology.

I would like to hear from you; please let me know if Albertine and Debbie Holdren really DID execute UPS’ collection policy. In the meantime and for fair comparison, I will call Federal Express to inquire about THEIR collection policies.

If a teeny tiny business owner like myself might be so bold as to offer a piece of collections insight to a large publicly traded company like UPS: if you treat your customers like deadbeats, all of your good customers will leave you in order to be treated properly. And guess who will be left? You’ll be left with a pool of customers that are…well…deadbeats.

Eleven months later I got a call from someone (whose name has been lost to history) from UPS indicating that the letter I wrote managed to work its way around to a bunch of the muckity-mucks in training and that, in fact, UPS' collection training had been changed as a result. Which, of course, is a decent consolation prize for me, though I'd have preferred to see Albertine on the cover of the UPS Customer Monthly, attractively attired in a tightly-zippered gimp suit.

Somewhere in the distance, a chain rattles. December is upon us; the air is crisp and the promise of holidays to come fill our hearts with the great and generous spirit of forgiveness...